Here we go again.

Sometimes you can follow all the rules and things still don’t work out. Sometimes the only words you can think of have four letters.

I did everything right. I have the charts and graphs to prove it. I took the correct medications and supplements at the precisely right times. I used color coordinated pens to make sure I kept track of 6AM temperatures, results of every stick I peed on, every pill I took, and every time my husband so much as looked at me for longer than 3 seconds. (Okay, maybe that last one is a slight exaggeration, even though it feels about right.) I ate the right foods. I drastically cut sugar, caffeine, and alcohol. I did all the positive thinking a girl could possibly do. 

I did all those things (and more), and it still didn’t work. 

I know you’re probably thinking: But wait, didn’t you just start? How do you already know? You’re not wrong. I did just start. Today was supposed to be day 12 of my cycle–the official day to start watching for ovulation. This is the day that has been circled on my calendar. It was supposed to be the turning point. Instead, it is day one of a new cycle. 

I woke up to minor bleeding yesterday. While the logical side of me knew it wasn’t a good sign, there was a tiny part of me that thought it might indicate actual ovulation. According to my trusty friend, the internet, this does happen for 3% of fertile women. Today proved otherwise when I awoke at 2am with intense cramps and more bleeding. 

I can’t speak highly enough of my doctor. They were able to see me this afternoon and we are jumping right into round 2. I have stronger drugs and we’re moving the timeline up. 

I received a fresh clean chart. My colored pens are ready. I’m still following all the rules. (Could I sound any more like a teacher?!) I’m doing all the right things as best as I can and trying to only think of one four letter word: hope. 

(eleven. eleven. twenty twenty-one)